“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
Most Christians question if dating is healthy for believers. According to me, it is a completely personal issue and should depend on the person concerned if he or she wants to indulge in such a relationship. I think it is unfair to zero in on the concept of dating and hold it as a threat to one’s spiritual growth. It is about striking the right balance. I know it sounds like I am repeating all that pastors and counselors say all the time but for a Christian, it is important to understand the love of Christ to be able to let it manifest in our relationships, all kinds of relationships. Not many of us know that the word ‘Love’ in 1 Corinthians 13 is actually synonymous with Jesus. When we look at this scripture, we make the common mistake of perceiving it as the love that we deserve and that which we should receive. We do not look at it from the point of giving it. This particular scripture has been very helpful for me personally because it helped me walk out of a relationship that was not approved by God. I used it to evaluate the relationship that I was currently in and realized that all of the things that it said ‘love’ should be, were not present in that relationship.
I believe the reason for most believers not condoning dating for young adults is not so much because dating, by itself, is wrong but because we often drift from the realities of life into a world of expectations and high hopes. Because of the emotional attachment involved, our happiness and our self-confidence depend on what the other person offers and if the person screws up, the one at the receiving end is usually left shattered. We choose to ignore reality and believe the words of the other person who himself or herself does not know what the future holds. Therefore, like everything else, it is important that Christ is invited to be the link, guide and most importantly, the foundation.
There is one common pro and con of dating- you can walk out of it anytime unlike marriage, which by its true meaning is a union of a lifetime. If you feel that you’re not happy and you’re losing yourself in a relationship, you have the freedom to walk out. If someone walks out on you, it is still better than being stuck with someone you know who does not want to be with you. There are so many people who are so heart-broken because of their bad relationships that they fear committing themselves to anyone in the future, some indulging in casual relationships and running away when some seriousness and commitment is required.
“Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
The reason why most people find it difficult to recover from break-ups could be the same. Dwelling upon the past and over-thinking. You had a bad break-up and you’re scared that you might end up being hurt again but the truth is no one wishes to end up being hurt whether one has had a bad experience or not. Of course, life is not all about dating and being in a relationship, there are so many other ways to add meaning to life. Singularity can be the best time for a person to seek and find Christ. But if your heart longs to find that special someone, take the risk and get on board. Do not let the past ill-treatments and disappointments you received from someone stop you from exuding the love that Christ exemplified to you. Understand this time that more than what you get, it is about what you give. Or if you have been the one responsible for your last break-up, stop living with regrets. Take them as lessons learnt and correct your mistakes with someone new. Turn a break-up to something healthy, not destructive. Turn the lessons that you learnt into blessings for someone else. And even if you fall again, you know you have Christ and He will always pick you up. Do not try to be the driver, let Christ lead the way and have faith. Find Christ first and appreciate His love for you so that you’re able to show that kind of love to someone else. Famous YouTuber Jefferson Bethke is right when he says that the concept of ‘The One’ is not so much about living on expectations of finding someone with all the qualities and attributes that you want him or her to possess, it is about preparing yourself to be ‘The one’. See, if you try to have all the qualities that you want your future partner to have, you will understand how difficult it is and that will expand your ability to understand and accept the other person’s shortcomings.
“Love does not delight in the evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
There is no need to rush and spend all your peace of mind trying to find someone. But also, do not deny yourself the pleasures of being in love just because you fear having to live the awful reality of a break-up again. Look at the brighter side, you could discover a whole new reality, a new meaning and understanding of what it is like to be committed to someone. Even if it does not work out despite your best efforts, you will know you tried to love the way Jesus taught you to and He will work things out for you in His own time. Let Jesus in and experience the best love-triangle ever, you will always gain something positive out of it!
“Love never fails.”
Verses extracted from 1 Corinthians 13.
