“Woman was created from the rib of man.
She was not made from his head to be above him, nor was she made from his feet to be trampled on.
She was created out of his side to equal him, under his arm to be protected by him
And near his heart to be loved.” 

I too feel that woman was created from man’s rib because she is meant to live in his heart, tame him and teach him to love. Now I understand that a woman deserves respect as much as a man does – and she's getting it whether you like it or not. The number of women Presidents, CEOs, soldiers, and criminals is on the rise. The gender war is an unspoken phenomenon that takes place in all walks of life, even at night the battle goes on for the higher ground. But I wonder, can't we all be on the same side and be happy together?

Sir John Lennon, who 'respected' his dear wife more than he loved The Beatles, was a true visionary. And with his great foresight he wrote the song called 'Imagine' with lyrics that goes something like:

“Imagine gender equality, it isn't hard if you try...”

The world imagined –many tried. Some succeeded, and gave birth to the phrase - THAIBOI. Now many men cringe at the word because they think THAIBOI means submissive, or dominated. But the real Thaibois know that nothing could be further from the truth. Being a Thaiboi means giving (and earning) respect, trust and co-operation to your spouse. Because, the truth is, a man's own good lies in keeping his wife happy. Those who still misunderstand the term most probably didn't listen to their wives carefully.

Being a Thaiboi is a challenging task, because it’s purpose is to create harmony. Most men act tough and parade a false bravado because they don’t have what it takes to be a peacemaker at home. And to create harmony, we need good communication with a happy conclusion for both parties. Please allow me to share a few instances where it may be possible to be a successful peacemaker.

COMPLIMENT

This is one big lesson I have learnt in my short career as a full-time husband. Women thrive on compliment. You can never compliment a woman enough, and a generous dose of compliments is the best and least expensive way to make her happy. He who has mastered the art of flattery can bring out the best in any woman. And by flattery, let it not be mistaken with irrationalapplaud one cannot substantiate. The biggest mistake we often make is that we foolishly assume women to be stupid – but she can easily tell whether you're faking it or not. So it's always best to know why you're giving a certain compliment, because it shows that you really mean it and that you’re not simply throwing it like coins to a beggar.

Take a few examples:

“The tea was excellent. Thanks!” or “The tea was excellent. Thanks! You do know how I like my tea.”

“Nice dress.” or “Nice dress, it beautifully matches your shoes/figure/hair/nail polish/make up etc”

“Delicious curry! You're the best!” or “Delicious curry! You're the best! I have never seen anyone prepare such a wonderful combination of spices...”

“You look so fresh today, your skin is glowing ..” or “You look so fresh today, your skin is glowing..it must be the new face wash you're using..”

“Your makeup is beautiful!” or “Your makeup is beautiful! That lipstick and eyeliner really go well with your skin tone..”

“Tulai na fuh deuh2 kachi, na vun le a nou deuh2 abang a..” or “Tulai na fuh deuh2 kachi, na vun le a nou deuh2 abang a. Huai na Lotion thak pen na ngeih ahi di maw..”

In each example above, which of the two sentences would sound more pleasing to the listener? Or maybe if we ask the wife, girlfriend, sister, mother or friend I'm sure they will all prefer the latter. It's the small-small things that make a huge difference. Unless one can buy her a diamond ring every now and then, I think nothing works like a good, solid compliment. Also, it's free, does not harm the environment, it is available 24/7, and can be recycled as many times as we please. Just make sure that it comes from the heart.

IF YOU MUST COMPLAIN OR DISAGREE, MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A COMPLIMENT

It's not as difficult as it sounds. Too much salt in the curry? Rather than dumping it all on her head and complaining about how she almost killed you with that salt overdose, one can simply say, “Honey the curry was great but sometimes I like adding raw salt to my food, so next time why don't we try cooking with a little less salt, then we can add more later and we might even enjoy it better..”

She shows up with an outfit you don't like and asks your opinion?

Only a fool would be blunt enough to say “The dress looks terrible”, “Wrong outfit for the occasion” or “Go and change it right now”

But a really smart man would say, It’s very beautiful but I think that blue dress “shows (or hides) your figure better” or “looks much prettier with your makeup..” or “I want everyone to see how beautiful you look in that blue dress..”

And see how quickly she changes into that “blue dress”. You won't even need to ask her.

WHEN SHE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, DO IT LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE OF EXCITEMENT

First of all, you can't say no. Because she wouldn't ask your help in the first place if it weren't extremely important. So why make her feel guilty (or angry) needlessly by dragging your feet. You have to do it anyway, so why not show some enthusiasm. You might even enjoy it and she'll keep you happy all night. The work involved is the same but depending on our attitude the results can be very different.

DO YOU THINK SHE'S BEAUTIFUL?

Of course she's beautiful, and that’s precisely why she asked. She's always watching you, brother. Even if she has her back on you, she can still see everything. And what she actually means is, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?”

But we're not stupid either. So we'll say, “She's beautiful and she looks a lot like you.” Maybe the way a fish looks a lot like a horse. But they're both women, so you should be able to find at least one similarity between the two – and you can base all your reasoning on that. See, you don't even have to lie there.

DO I LOOK FAT?

The correct answer is never the right answer. Some responses worth trying are:

“Who says you're fat, you're so beautiful.” (*** and quickly change the subject or change your location)

“Fat? Do you know about the summer sale at BIG BAZAR?” (*** same as above)

“What? Just look at yourself, how can you say you look fat?” (*** same as above)

“I’m the one who looks fat.. but look at your eyes, they’re so beautiful…” (*** same as above)

“Fat? You're the most beautiful girl in the world!” (*** same as above)

“Ashwarya Rai has become fat, Oprah is fat, Sonia Gandhi is fat. But you're more beautiful than ever. I love you!” (*** same as above)

Or you can suddenly have a bad stomach and hide in the lavatory till you think she's found something better to do.

NEVER, EVER CALL HER NAMES

So she's hopeless with computers, keeps forgetting her password, can't go to the market by herself, can't order stuff herself on Flipkart, doesn't speak Hindi, keeps asking you word meanings in French, Latin & Russian, can's shut her mouth while you're watching FIFA, doesn't know how to operate the vending machine, keeps leaving her things in the car and asks you to fetch them, takes hours to get ready, cooks rice with too much water, you find her hair in your soup...

There’s no need to call her stupid, idiot, careless, a troll, forgetful, absent minded, dumb, a sloth, foolish etc. We all have our shortcomings and she’d never call you a pig even though you live like one. Just try to recall how many times she picked up your wet towel or the socks you left all over the place, or struggled with the baby while you were busy with your phone, TV or computer AND PRETENDING TO BE DEAF- without ever uttering a word of complaint. All you can do is return the favor. Be kind.

WHEN SHE SPEAKS, LISTEN

Women today are smart. And demanding. Burying your head inside your gadget and dutifully grunting every two minutes in response to her boring lecture doesn't work anymore. Because she'll test you with a question that has nothing to do with what she just said, and then you’re caught. So it’s a lot safer to put aside whatever you're doing and pay full attention. She may go on for hours but a woman takes pride in her husband's listening skills. And a good performer will even lean closer when she's talking; nod, frown, laugh, cry and ask questions at all the right check points, and reap his reward later.

________________________

I could go in forever because the list is endless, and it won’t be possible for any human being with a normal life span to write a full report on relationships. Nor will any man be able to fully comprehend the depth of a woman's mind. But if we really try, we may just be able to 'see' inside someone and have a faint indication of what works for that person or how to deal with situations involving him or her. Just remember, the same way we don't chop cake with an axe, but cut it with a fine blade with ribbons on the handle, a woman also needs gentleness and subtlety.

But despite having said all that, we still have our arguments. No matter the preparation, human behavior is still unpredictable, and it is but natural that all normal couples fight. No relationship is perfect, because no two persons can fit together perfectly. We only get what God ordains is best for us and it is our duty to uphold the vows that we took in His holy name.

Being a peacemaker is one step in that direction.

(And I humbly dedicate this article to my dearest wife who has been my friend, caretaker, counselor and my inspiration for doing things I never tried before, and discontinuing those I was not supposed to do. )