Jokes

[mink]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box ."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that, You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

[Nightingale]

Huh!!! 

[pau_guite]

Teacher:  What will happen if the earth rotates 30 times faster?

Student: Men will get their salay everyday and Women will bleed to death!!

[achhkhe]

[color=blue]A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's bottom. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!"/color]

[achhkhe]

Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.

The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head.

The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.

However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck that way with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.

"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an asshole!"

[mink]

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.


Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.


Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex, that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window".

[mink]

1) What is the difference between women and puppies?

Answer: Puppies grow up.


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2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?

Answer: Because they are...


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3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?

Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.


**********

4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?

Answer: Who cares ??..


**********

5) What did God say after he created woman?

Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man.


**********

6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?

Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.


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7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

Answers: i) no mind ii) no business

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[Nightingale]

1) What is the difference between women and puppies?

Answer: Puppies grow up.


**********

2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?

Answer: Because they are...


**********



3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?

Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.


**********

4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?

Answer: Who cares ??..


**********

5) What did God say after he created woman?

Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man.


**********

6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?

Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.


**********

7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

Answers: i) no mind ii) no business

**********

Huh!!! mink 

[achhkhe]

One Rule to Heaven : Laying on bed with someone and screaming..........
Oh...my God.....Ohhh  Oh  my God will not be considered as praying

[Nightingale]

One Rule to Heaven : Laying on bed with someone and screaming..........
Oh...my God.....Ohhh   Oh   my God will not be considered as praying

  achhkhe