Jokes

[muan]

Lie Detector

Once a Sardar, British and an Amercian are called upon for a lie detecting test.whenever

someone lies,the detector goes BUZZZ

the Amercian is called first,

American:i think i can eat 25 burgers at one go

BUZZZZZ....

American: ok..ok,i think i can eat 15 burgers..



next is British's turn..

British : i think i can empty down 20 pegs at one go

BUZZZZZ....

British : ok ..ok,i can empty down 8pegs



finally ,its our sardar's turn

sardar :i think..

BUZZZZZ....

[muan]

Black humor

A boy is sitting by the window... He's mum comes in the room and says: Sone, why aren't you playing football with other kids?
He answers: "But mum, you know i can't walk!"
She says: "I know, i'm just screwing with you!" 

[muan]

Nice Story for Couples 

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how wasI born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I setup a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:

You've Got Male!"

[muan]

Screwing

Tim wanted to screw a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Tiim got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you but the girl said NO.

Tiim said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? She said


"THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!"

[muan]

Monkey

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you man?!"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"

The Monkey looks down and says "F*****CK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"

[PAUL KHAIPU]

Lie Detector

Once a Sardar, British and an Amercian are called upon for a lie detecting test.whenever

someone lies,the detector goes BUZZZ

the Amercian is called first,

American:i think i can eat 25 burgers at one go

BUZZZZZ....

American: ok..ok,i think i can eat 15 burgers..



next is British's turn..

British : i think i can empty down 20 pegs at one go

BUZZZZZ....

British : ok ..ok,i can empty down 8pegs



finally ,its our sardar's turn

sardar :i think..

BUZZZZZ....

I like the indian guy's part....hehehe

[muan]

What is the difference
between girls ages:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?


At 8 - You take her to bed
and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story
and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story
to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story
and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story
to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed
to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed,
that'll be a story!!

[wrigley]

GUNNERS FOEVER

When i was just a little boy, i asked my mother what will i be?
Will i be Arsenal?
Will i be Spurs?
Here's what she sed to me;
WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT SON!
YOU'LL NEVER BE A SPURS SCUM!
NOW GO GET YOUR FARTHERS GUN!
AND SHOOT THE SPURS SCUM!
Que Sara Sara!

[Machine Gun]

Yep, it's an oldie. For God's sake, it's talking about Windows 98! Kind of thought it appropriate now that Microsoft is removing support for Windows 98 - wave goodbye to one of the oldies in more way than one.

Okay, here's a newer one or at least a different one. 

Some possible computer bumper stickers

1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

2. <-------- The information went data way

3. The name is Baud...James Baud.

4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

9. E Pluribus Modem

10. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

18. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

20. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

27. Hit any user to continue.

28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

[Machine Gun]

Abbott & Costello

If you're old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, you'll appreciate this.

For those who sometimes get flustered by computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might sound something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?


COSTELLO: No, for the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you
have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?


ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.


COSTELLO: For my office?


ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.


COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!


ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.


COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on
the Internet?


ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!


ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.


COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".



COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.


COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?


ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.


COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?


ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.


COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?


ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?


ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?


COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......